Hey. It's been a while. Hell it's been a long time since I've updated anything. My last post was, like, 2 years ago. Do people even use blogger still? I don't know. Well, it's better if no one reads this you know I just needed to get some stuff off my chest and I don't know where to go so... here I am.

Let me catch you up on what's been happening.

You see I'm already on my, supposedly, final year in UKM. Why "supposedly"? Well, you see, I flunked my last two semesters. I failed a few papers, one of em twice, so ya retaking some subjects and.. I just can't do it. You might call me a quitter for saying that but wtf am I supposed to do when I can't do it anymore??? Why are people forcing me to do shit I just can't do??? *sigh*

So, okay, my family... is in a bit of a shambles right now, not that it affect my situation in anyway tho trust me. I wanna blame on it but I know better. I know why this is happening and it's sure as hell not because of my family's situation at the moment. I just don't have the heart to do this anymore. You know fo shiz this course is not my first choice. I accepted because it seems like a doable course that my parents are gonna accept since I know I can't do big things but guess what I can't even do this that I think was "doable". Now i'm just stuck in a place regretting not taking any fucking action since the beginning I've been following my parents, like, what do they want, what will they approve of, what will make them proud????

I've been trying to adjust everything to their liking and now this is all my fault?? Yea okay this is all my fault everything is on me. I can't even turn to my friends now you know...I don't wanna mess them up with my mess, eventually they'll get sick of  someone as pathetic as me.

How do I feel?

I'm furious. I'm sad. I'm disappointed.

My parents actually offered me to change my course to something I really wanna do. Note this: my parents offered me. I did not pitch in the idea. Of course I've been wanting to change my course but I couldn't tell them. What would they think of me? What would they say? Will the even agree to it? Will they see me as a failure for even asking??? Will I disappoint them????

But believe me when I saw a tiny bit of hope left when they asked me first about changing courses. I was betting on it. I raised my hope that I know I shouldn't. I've been telling myself it's too good to be true...and it is. I don't know what happened but they revoked the offer and ask me to finish my degree even if I have to extend my semesters, by hook or by crook, the degree needs to be in my hand.

I just..can't do it. Why? Why can't you see I just can't do it anymore??? Why is it that you feel the need to compare me with anyone in this world at all????? I just can't do it???? It's that fucking hard to get????

As usual, I don't have the guts to tell them off. I don't have the guts to speak my mind.

I'm tired. I just want this to end.


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Asnal Iwani | Nur Raei Ashikin | Suraya Najieha | Myra Amran | Wina Azreen | Zetty | Scha

Hey. It's been a while. Hell it's been a long time since I've updated anything. My last post was, like, 2 years ago. Do people even use blogger still? I don't know. Well, it's better if no one reads this you know I just needed to get some stuff off my chest and I don't know where to go so... here I am.

Let me catch you up on what's been happening.

You see I'm already on my, supposedly, final year in UKM. Why "supposedly"? Well, you see, I flunked my last two semesters. I failed a few papers, one of em twice, so ya retaking some subjects and.. I just can't do it. You might call me a quitter for saying that but wtf am I supposed to do when I can't do it anymore??? Why are people forcing me to do shit I just can't do??? *sigh*

So, okay, my family... is in a bit of a shambles right now, not that it affect my situation in anyway tho trust me. I wanna blame on it but I know better. I know why this is happening and it's sure as hell not because of my family's situation at the moment. I just don't have the heart to do this anymore. You know fo shiz this course is not my first choice. I accepted because it seems like a doable course that my parents are gonna accept since I know I can't do big things but guess what I can't even do this that I think was "doable". Now i'm just stuck in a place regretting not taking any fucking action since the beginning I've been following my parents, like, what do they want, what will they approve of, what will make them proud????

I've been trying to adjust everything to their liking and now this is all my fault?? Yea okay this is all my fault everything is on me. I can't even turn to my friends now you know...I don't wanna mess them up with my mess, eventually they'll get sick of  someone as pathetic as me.

How do I feel?

I'm furious. I'm sad. I'm disappointed.

My parents actually offered me to change my course to something I really wanna do. Note this: my parents offered me. I did not pitch in the idea. Of course I've been wanting to change my course but I couldn't tell them. What would they think of me? What would they say? Will the even agree to it? Will they see me as a failure for even asking??? Will I disappoint them????

But believe me when I saw a tiny bit of hope left when they asked me first about changing courses. I was betting on it. I raised my hope that I know I shouldn't. I've been telling myself it's too good to be true...and it is. I don't know what happened but they revoked the offer and ask me to finish my degree even if I have to extend my semesters, by hook or by crook, the degree needs to be in my hand.

I just..can't do it. Why? Why can't you see I just can't do it anymore??? Why is it that you feel the need to compare me with anyone in this world at all????? I just can't do it???? It's that fucking hard to get????

As usual, I don't have the guts to tell them off. I don't have the guts to speak my mind.

I'm tired. I just want this to end.


Older Post