22.12.14 | 0 commentsit's been a while.
i dont even know what to update but things in college has been going...great.
i guess it is. well, i dont know how to put it. many things had happened. this and that. small matters, big matters.
lately i'm feeling, a bit, down i guess ?
so, i'm determined to finish college and continue with engineering in UMP but how the heck am i suppose to get there ? i'm lazy, i slack off too often, and i hardly try to do anything to improve things.
well, maybe now i'm starting to take action but still, i dont think it's enough and i dont think it'll last long. i cant give up now but i've been trying to give up a long time ago till now. wth is wrong with me. why cant i make up my mind ?
on the other hand, i've been going in and out of depression over another thing. am i not good enough to have it ? am i that bad ? dont i deserve to have it ? or maybe i deserve to get stuck in this situation forever. but, it's nice to know that i can still get my heart broken since the last time it happened. i thought i could never feel anything anymore after what happened but, i still do. it feels good to have my heart broken a few times. it hurts, but it feels good. i'm dying from it, but i feel alive. why ? because at least i can still feel. at least i know i still have emotions to express.
but i hope everything will turn out good in the end.
22.9.14 | 0 commentshey. it's been a while. months actually.
first thing to tell is that i got my midterm exam result last week. t'was a total mess.
amazing how i managed to achieve 3F's. and for that, i failed my midterm. thank God it was only the midterm. i need to get myself straight again. talked to Heri just now. well, it's more of chatting rather than talking. facebook. he said i can do it. i just need to start trying. i will, but i'm not confident that i'll most likely be able to keep it going for so long. never mind that.
so, there's a story i wanna tell.
last august, if i'm not mistaken. i went out with my friends. overnight outside campus. not even close with them cept for Shafiq. i tag along cuz i wanna go sumwhere i havent been yet since the day i started living here in Kelantan. we knew each other cuz we're in the same theater club. so we went out, the five of us (3 girls, 2 boys) went out to Rantau Panjang. we were so happy as fuck that we started to get along so well. so, around 2 in the morning, me and the girls decided to go for a drive in KB without even telling the boys. we took turns driving the car. when i was driving, they called Shafiq to tell him that we went out. we were laughing and i almost felt like nothing is in my way but i was wrong. few minutes after we called Shafiq, we arrived at a junction and since there's not even a soul passing by, i continued driving and crashed with another. i can still remember the scene. the way i hit the car head on. the way the car flipped over to the side. the way my car sounded like when i tried to reach for the brakes.. still playing freshly in my head, even now. t'was a good thing i slowed down at the junction or else, i wont even be sitting here typing, updating my blog right now.
so, that's that. somehow i felt grateful that night happen. cuz it brought us five closer than ever. we're not in the same class(cept for me and Shafiq), yet we're the most happiest family of weirdos i've ever been in. i guess it's time to introduce their names.
might put up their pictures... some other day haha. running out of time here. at the library now haha.
i love them and i hope there's nothing that could come between us all except for death.
as time goes by, friendship never dies
4.7.14 | 0 commentsHi there Hey there Ho there You're as welcome as can be~!
to be frank, i dont think my post will have anything to do with the title which, happens all the time when i'm updating my blog HA-HA ! I havent post anything since i came here to Kelantan's Matriculation College. so yea everything has been fine cept that I FEEL SO STUPID LIVING AMONG THE SMARTIES. dude, i cant get Chemistry, i'm slow in math, i suck at memorizing formulas. DAFUQ AM I DOING HERE MAN ??
i dont fit in here. i never fit in anywhere. why do i always feel out of place ? this sucks. ugh.
but nevertheless, friends here are terrific. they've been awesome and i love them TO THE CORE
hohoho ! specially when... well, i have never stated that issue here before and i shall not state it here, ever. cuz i hate it if people knows so...
OH HEY ! i have a twin brother here XD lol seriously !
my friends said we look alike so much that people think that we're real twins. MAJORITY !
even Wafaa said so. aint that right Wafaa ? HA-HA !
it's like 1 in the fucking morning and i still am awake updating my blog -______-"
i kinda like have this Computer Science workshop tmorrow morning at 8 buuuut, hell ! i'm too lazy mayn. not sur if i'll be going or nawt soooo we'll see :P
i'm just gonna..buzz off now haha ! damn it like fucking hot here, wut's it like 30++ degree celsius or sumthing ? i'm sweating like a.......... ah nevermind.
later peeps !
I have so much to say but you're so far away
24.4.14 | 0 commentshaeyyyy~!
sooooo what's it today eh ?
well the matriculation application status is open for checking today. sooo i woke up around 7 (mom woke me) and remembered that today is the day to check my application stat (not really, i scrolled down the facebook timeline and saw posts about this). i tried doing it online. but dint work. dont ask me why, i dont know why. to early in the morning i guess ? like most shops open up at 10.... is it the same ? -____- lol idk.
so then i tried checking over the sms. man the reply is effin fast -..- so.... guess what ? yeaaa i got my matriculation application approved but guess where i'll be studying at ?
dude. way in Kelantan. i was like "fuck, what ??" i kinda like applied for Selangor, Perak and Kedah but i got Kelantan ? =..= off track... off trackk...... i guess they assign people to random places ? then what's the fucking point of us choosing our places of option ? yeesh.
i thought i wanna change the venue, mom said ask dad cuz he prolly can ask for help from his friends to change it, idk. but when i call my dad he was overwhelmed about me getting into the Kelantan college. so.... idk if i'll change or nawwt.... nvm...
goin out with mom. to pekan maybe. later dudes.
just passing the time,
long time no see
23.4.14 | 0 commentsHeyya thurr ! (─‿‿─)
havent post anything for a very very long time now..... aint that long tho... i guess *shrugs*
so hey. lemme tell ya what have been happening since.
passed my SPM. aint that awesome ? HA-HA !
got 4As 3Bs and 3Cs.
(RPN: 2613) LEMBAGA PEPERIKSAAN (LP/KOM.6) Pin. 1/2013
KEMENTERIAN PENDIDIKAN MALAYSIA
SIJIL PELAJARAN MALAYSIA 2013
NAMA : FATMAFAHADA BINTI NORDIN ANGKA GILIRAN : AA126A007
NO. K/P : ██████-██-████ KOD DAFTAR : 8 JEN. DAHULU: O
SEKOLAH : SMK KHIR JOHARI, TANJONG MALIM
KOD NAMA MATA PELAJARAN GRED
1103 BAHASA MELAYU A- CEMERLANG
1119 BAHASA INGGERIS A+ CEMERLANG TERTINGGI
1223 PENDIDIKAN ISLAM B+ KEPUJIAN TERTINGGI
1249 SEJARAH B+ KEPUJIAN TERTINGGI
1449 MATHEMATICS A CEMERLANG TINGGI
3472 ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS C+ KEPUJIAN ATAS
3765 INFORMATION AND COMMUNICATION TECHNOLOGY A- CEMERLANG
4531 PHYSICS B KEPUJIAN TINGGI
4541 CHEMISTRY C KEPUJIAN
4551 BIOLOGY C KEPUJIAN
1119 (GCE-O) - 1A
PERKARA ASAS FARDHU 'AIN - LULUS
LAYAK MENDAPAT SIJIL PENGARAH PEPERIKSAAN
i spent a lot of time doing that ▲
hahahaah *i hafta get a life.... mayn*
sooooooo...... i havent post anything since last year is cuzzzzzz
i got into a tahfiz... yea it's weird having me in a tahfiz but.... parents.. forced.... cant shake 'em......
soooo yea have been spending the last 4 months in a tahfiz.
wuzzat ? have i changed ? pfffttt !!! omg u hafta know better that... i aint that easy to change.... sumhow..
i dont know why. i guess i'm just a... hard headed creepo. wakakakaka !
i missed those kids in that tahfiz tho...
ehhmm ? why i didnt stay there ? oh cheese..
not that i dont wanna stay there at all.. after a couple of months, it's getting hard for me to have the idea of leaving, trust me. but the *quote* headmaster *quote* who we call *quote* umi *quote* is a fucking old hag who likes to nag and yell and provoke and underestimates people. and for that one reason i cant wait to get my ass out of that hell hole. so i kinda like, beg my mom and dad to just take me out of there. many times, trust me, it dint work... so i kinda have to gather all my patience to face that old hag every single day. till one day i snapped... and that one day is on the 17th April, i was the rotate leader for that day, every work i've done dint seem right to that old hag's eyes, she yelled at me for the whole day and belittle me and what not and so i snapped like a snap turtle.... well that dint seem right... no.. not like a turtle......
it's just because i forgot to bring a couple of chairs inside and she yelled at me like i've killed her kids. dude, fuck off. it aint nice to yell. things can be done if you asked nicely. and so she took me as someone who had just disrespected her. so..... the outcome is..... here i am sitting infront of the computer, on a black and white study chair, in my living room, inside my house. what ? it aint hard to figure out right ? i got kicked out. haha it was....amazing tho cuz.... i have never been in this sitch aaaaand it kinda felt....awesome. HA-HA !
but at the same time... it was sad. bitch still got feelings okay -___-
why sad ? well, yea i wanna get out so badly but... i never wanna leave those kids there...
they're like...family now.. since we've lived under one roof.
when i was about to leave, they cried as if I died... well...... i dont know how they'll react if i die but i'm guessing it might be like that... or worse.. IF, they love me a hell lot.. idk.... hardy har har !
so now, i'm waiting for any university offers or maybe matriculation... bitch got no idea where to go yet..
i've set my mind to do art cuz it's kinda like my thang but.... my parents doesnt seem overwhelmed by that... cant i just pick what i love to do ? why is it so hard for them to just go with what i wanna do ? yea yea i knoww they just wanted me to achieve great success for a better life for me but... where's my life ? where do i come in ? what's my role in my life ? to be someone who follows the script ? no improvisation of my own ? what ? i cant be the script writer ? i... i cant be the song composer ? where's the challenge then ? where's my part of living ? why cant i just be...what i wanna be ? this sucks. sucks like hell lot. fuck reality man. fo chiz hate this way of living. ╥﹏╥
i kinda look like this now since my hair have been cut back in that tahfiz.. still awesome ! kekeke~
28.12.13 | 0 commentsThe only love you feel for real is the one that you can never try to forget.
1.12.13 | 0 commentsI wanna come clean today.
about my feelings ?
see, me and Shafiq.. aren't like the olds days anymore, ya know
we... kinda broke up. or sumthing like that.
but believe me when I say that, I don't feel that way.
I don't feel like we broke up. I feel that I'm still entitled to him.
I'm still his girl. That's just how I feel.
I still am. I can't love any other guy. Bitch got no love to give anymore.
I gave it all to him, to Shafiq. this is the truth. I'm telling the truth and nothing but the truth.
I STILL LOVE HIM, OKAY !!!
I cannot forget him, and I don't wanna forget him.
I'm sorry, just, NO.
people might say "hey, there's a lot of fish in the sea."
well, bitches. I ain't got a lot of hearts.
you don't see anyone having three or four hearts now do you ???
and now I miss him like a HELL lot !
I'm sorry. seriously. sorry. I just can't.