24.4.14 | 0 commentshaeyyyy~!
sooooo what's it today eh ?
well the matriculation application status is open for checking today. sooo i woke up around 7 (mom woke me) and remembered that today is the day to check my application stat (not really, i scrolled down the facebook timeline and saw posts about this). i tried doing it online. but dint work. dont ask me why, i dont know why. to early in the morning i guess ? like most shops open up at 10.... is it the same ? -____- lol idk.
so then i tried checking over the sms. man the reply is effin fast -..- so.... guess what ? yeaaa i got my matriculation application approved but guess where i'll be studying at ?
dude. way in Kelantan. i was like "fuck, what ??" i kinda like applied for Selangor, Perak and Kedah but i got Kelantan ? =..= off track... off trackk...... i guess they assign people to random places ? then what's the fucking point of us choosing our places of option ? yeesh.
i thought i wanna change the venue, mom said ask dad cuz he prolly can ask for help from his friends to change it, idk. but when i call my dad he was overwhelmed about me getting into the Kelantan college. so.... idk if i'll change or nawwt.... nvm...
goin out with mom. to pekan maybe. later dudes.
just passing the time,
long time no see
23.4.14 | 0 commentsHeyya thurr ! (─‿‿─)
havent post anything for a very very long time now..... aint that long tho... i guess *shrugs*
so hey. lemme tell ya what have been happening since.
passed my SPM. aint that awesome ? HA-HA !
got 4As 3Bs and 3Cs.
(RPN: 2613) LEMBAGA PEPERIKSAAN (LP/KOM.6) Pin. 1/2013
KEMENTERIAN PENDIDIKAN MALAYSIA
SIJIL PELAJARAN MALAYSIA 2013
NAMA : FATMAFAHADA BINTI NORDIN ANGKA GILIRAN : AA126A007
NO. K/P : ██████-██-████ KOD DAFTAR : 8 JEN. DAHULU: O
SEKOLAH : SMK KHIR JOHARI, TANJONG MALIM
KOD NAMA MATA PELAJARAN GRED
1103 BAHASA MELAYU A- CEMERLANG
1119 BAHASA INGGERIS A+ CEMERLANG TERTINGGI
1223 PENDIDIKAN ISLAM B+ KEPUJIAN TERTINGGI
1249 SEJARAH B+ KEPUJIAN TERTINGGI
1449 MATHEMATICS A CEMERLANG TINGGI
3472 ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS C+ KEPUJIAN ATAS
3765 INFORMATION AND COMMUNICATION TECHNOLOGY A- CEMERLANG
4531 PHYSICS B KEPUJIAN TINGGI
4541 CHEMISTRY C KEPUJIAN
4551 BIOLOGY C KEPUJIAN
1119 (GCE-O) - 1A
PERKARA ASAS FARDHU 'AIN - LULUS
LAYAK MENDAPAT SIJIL PENGARAH PEPERIKSAAN
i spent a lot of time doing that ▲
hahahaah *i hafta get a life.... mayn*
sooooooo...... i havent post anything since last year is cuzzzzzz
i got into a tahfiz... yea it's weird having me in a tahfiz but.... parents.. forced.... cant shake 'em......
soooo yea have been spending the last 4 months in a tahfiz.
wuzzat ? have i changed ? pfffttt !!! omg u hafta know better that... i aint that easy to change.... sumhow..
i dont know why. i guess i'm just a... hard headed creepo. wakakakaka !
i missed those kids in that tahfiz tho...
ehhmm ? why i didnt stay there ? oh cheese..
not that i dont wanna stay there at all.. after a couple of months, it's getting hard for me to have the idea of leaving, trust me. but the *quote* headmaster *quote* who we call *quote* umi *quote* is a fucking old hag who likes to nag and yell and provoke and underestimates people. and for that one reason i cant wait to get my ass out of that hell hole. so i kinda like, beg my mom and dad to just take me out of there. many times, trust me, it dint work... so i kinda have to gather all my patience to face that old hag every single day. till one day i snapped... and that one day is on the 17th April, i was the rotate leader for that day, every work i've done dint seem right to that old hag's eyes, she yelled at me for the whole day and belittle me and what not and so i snapped like a snap turtle.... well that dint seem right... no.. not like a turtle......
it's just because i forgot to bring a couple of chairs inside and she yelled at me like i've killed her kids. dude, fuck off. it aint nice to yell. things can be done if you asked nicely. and so she took me as someone who had just disrespected her. so..... the outcome is..... here i am sitting infront of the computer, on a black and white study chair, in my living room, inside my house. what ? it aint hard to figure out right ? i got kicked out. haha it was....amazing tho cuz.... i have never been in this sitch aaaaand it kinda felt....awesome. HA-HA !
but at the same time... it was sad. bitch still got feelings okay -___-
why sad ? well, yea i wanna get out so badly but... i never wanna leave those kids there...
they're like...family now.. since we've lived under one roof.
when i was about to leave, they cried as if I died... well...... i dont know how they'll react if i die but i'm guessing it might be like that... or worse.. IF, they love me a hell lot.. idk.... hardy har har !
so now, i'm waiting for any university offers or maybe matriculation... bitch got no idea where to go yet..
i've set my mind to do art cuz it's kinda like my thang but.... my parents doesnt seem overwhelmed by that... cant i just pick what i love to do ? why is it so hard for them to just go with what i wanna do ? yea yea i knoww they just wanted me to achieve great success for a better life for me but... where's my life ? where do i come in ? what's my role in my life ? to be someone who follows the script ? no improvisation of my own ? what ? i cant be the script writer ? i... i cant be the song composer ? where's the challenge then ? where's my part of living ? why cant i just be...what i wanna be ? this sucks. sucks like hell lot. fuck reality man. fo chiz hate this way of living. ╥﹏╥
i kinda look like this now since my hair have been cut back in that tahfiz.. still awesome ! kekeke~
28.12.13 | 0 commentsThe only love you feel for real is the one that you can never try to forget.
1.12.13 | 0 commentsI wanna come clean today.
about my feelings ?
see, me and Shafiq.. aren't like the olds days anymore, ya know
we... kinda broke up. or sumthing like that.
but believe me when I say that, I don't feel that way.
I don't feel like we broke up. I feel that I'm still entitled to him.
I'm still his girl. That's just how I feel.
I still am. I can't love any other guy. Bitch got no love to give anymore.
I gave it all to him, to Shafiq. this is the truth. I'm telling the truth and nothing but the truth.
I STILL LOVE HIM, OKAY !!!
I cannot forget him, and I don't wanna forget him.
I'm sorry, just, NO.
people might say "hey, there's a lot of fish in the sea."
well, bitches. I ain't got a lot of hearts.
you don't see anyone having three or four hearts now do you ???
and now I miss him like a HELL lot !
I'm sorry. seriously. sorry. I just can't.
1.12.13 | 0 commentsI think it is time for me to change.
I've been trying, believe me, but I just can't seem to change at all.
I wanna change for the better but end up for the worse.
I don't wanna blame anything or anywho but, things had made me think.
what good is there for being nice but treated like shit
while being bad but treated like you're on top of the world.
is it because being nice made people wanna step on you ?
and while being bad made people feel scared of you ?
I'd rather be myself and just follow my own ways than to follow other's.
if this is how I am, then, this is how I'll be.
“Unleash your inner demon.”
I don't care bout other people's shits,
very eerie heart
27.10.13 | 0 commentsstrange.
the things that are going through my mind.
can't seem to grasp what I'm feeling for real nowadays.
the tears shed, the friction of water through my eyes. sore.
I'm not gonna lie by saying I am entirely fine and happy.
why am I still thinking about things that have left me a long time ago.
things that I've let go.
the clouds nowadays seems like they're in touch with me.
they kept on raining. keeping me company when the world around me need to flow through my eyes.
when others had left.
need I put a mask to fool everyone in daylight ?
but uncover myself at night.
when things finally seem to have gone better, it fall apart.
when I thought that I can finally stop doing what I have been doing,
when I thought that I can finally stop searching.
and at then I realized that I can never stop.
I will never stop.
31.3.13 | 0 commentsI do a lot of thinking at night and usually tons of things came crossing my mind before I fall asleep.
there's a lot of questions that I ask myself, scenes that might happen playing in my head like a tv show, all the ifs and what not.
but there comes a night where sometimes I just wanted someone who matters to me to just call me out of the blue and ask,
“Fahada ? Are you okay ?”
but it'll never happen,