7.5.16 | 0 commentsI don't know whether it's just me feeling this way, or is it actually real that I am incapable of fitting in anywhere I go. It doesn't matter what I do, I'm always gonna feel.. like an alien. Even tho I'm having fun or whatever, at the end of the day, I still feel out of place. Like a small pebble in a bag of flour. Yeah, exactly. Like, people are going to wonder why the hell is there a friggin pebble in a bag of flour ? I mean, how the hell did it even get in there in the first place ? Nobody knows how and why. But what they do know is that it's totally useless. I, am useless. I think people think of me as a bore. I don't know, just, maybe. It sure as hell feel like it. And it sure as hell feel like lots of people hate me and feel that I am fucking annoying.
"somebody who will stay beside me to tell me that I won't be alone."
26.4.16 | 0 comments
I feel like my life is a train wreck. I feel crappy. I feel like I'm the shittiest person in the world. I feel useless. I feel torn. I feel betrayed. I feel left out. I feel insecure. I feel ugly. I feel stupid. I feel incompetent. I feel alone.
I feel nothing.
25.2.16 | 0 commentsZup zup zup
The reason I put up the title as cherry is cuz I'm having a major stomachache (can't relate, huh ?) lol prolly cuz I wasn't eating at the right time. Didn't ate breakfast and I only had sausage bun for lunch and I didn't even eat it on time for lunch he he he and now I'm facing the consequences...
Anyways, guess how I did on my exam ? I got 3.43 ! If you ask me, it's a bit unbelievable cuz I thought I wouldn't get that much HARDY HAR HAR. Didn't get anything for it tho. I might be happy for it but it doesn't seem that way with... blablabla... I failed, I guess ha ha.
Oh, hey. What would you feel if a friend of yours neglect you for...a horrible reason..or so.... it's like you're really close to that person but at the same time you hate that person for being that person but then that person left you aside for other person...but you don't like that person tho I mean you don't like that person in any way, am I making sense here ? Guess not har har har. But I'm really bummed with that person tho for being such an ass but I bet that person doesn't even know and I don't plan on letting that person know or wuteves I'm ranting non stop hahahahahahahahaha....
Do you know how it feels like wanting a person there with you I meant the opposite gender shut up you know what I mean by it. It's not like I want to be committed, like, okay no I want to commit wait no I, okay I'm complicated I just want a person to be there for me and for me to be there for him and well you know ugh I meant to feel that I belong with a person okay okay a boyfriend. To love or wuteves and to be loved like that why the hell am I ranting like this. Okay it's not like I'm tots desperate for a boyfriend or wuteves no and you think a girl would learn from her past mistakes hardy har har I'm just lonely okay... yea.. I'm just lonely..
I'm like a ghost in your chat room,
31.1.16 | 0 commentsSup dawgs ?
wow, how long has it been since I last posted an entry ? So, hey. I'm a university student now. Didn't make it into UMP tho. I'm in UKM now pursuing English studies. Everything's fine, I guess. 'Cept for the people there. Yea some are fine but some are.. fucking irritating dude I'm not even joking here it's true. I guess a bigger place comes with a wider range of human species, if you know what I mean. Sheesh. Fucking annoying.
Anyway, I'm on my semester break now. First semester ended. I'll be going back for the second semester this 21st February.
Oh hey, I bought a new laptop. Now I can play a bunch of games. Though it's freakin huge and it takes up a lot of space on my desk. On the other hand, my phone is getting shittier day by day. The battery wont even last more than 2 hours and it keeps on shot wire my charging cable. I changed my cable like, thousands of times, exaggerated, but it feels like thousands of times. Pshh. I'm thinking of changing my phone to a new one but the same model lol. Big problemoooooo. I don't have the greens, 'less they accept grasses and leaves. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Get it ? 'Cuz they're green ? Okay don't laugh I'm pathetic.
Thinking of getting a drawing tablet but I don't even know which brand is bomb enough to use. I don't even know how to use the damn thing BHAHAHAHAha ha ha....ehm.. Still, no money to buy em. Maybe I can talk mom in to buy it for me if I get good results. eheheheheheheheheheee..... but, then... I'll be in a dilemma to ask her to buy me the drawing tablet or a new phone.... *gasp* this is a crisis !
I'm so aloooone~
9th June 2015
9.6.15 | 0 commentsHey.
Haven't write anything in this blog for a while huh ?
well for starters, i left college.
NOT KICKED OUT, OKAY. left in peace since i finished there.
you know, my english nowadays sucks, bad. nobody wants to talk in english with me there in college duh. so boring.
anyways, today is supposed to be the day our final's results come out. i've tried checking thru text but it didnt work. i've tried checking online but it didnt work either. so i dont know when i'll get my result. waiting for the mail i guess.
I dont think I acted like a proper student during exam..
22.12.14 | 0 commentsit's been a while.
i dont even know what to update but things in college has been going...great.
i guess it is. well, i dont know how to put it. many things had happened. this and that. small matters, big matters.
lately i'm feeling, a bit, down i guess ?
so, i'm determined to finish college and continue with engineering in UMP but how the heck am i suppose to get there ? i'm lazy, i slack off too often, and i hardly try to do anything to improve things.
well, maybe now i'm starting to take action but still, i dont think it's enough and i dont think it'll last long. i cant give up now but i've been trying to give up a long time ago till now. wth is wrong with me. why cant i make up my mind ?
on the other hand, i've been going in and out of depression over another thing. am i not good enough to have it ? am i that bad ? dont i deserve to have it ? or maybe i deserve to get stuck in this situation forever. but, it's nice to know that i can still get my heart broken since the last time it happened. i thought i could never feel anything anymore after what happened but, i still do. it feels good to have my heart broken a few times. it hurts, but it feels good. i'm dying from it, but i feel alive. why ? because at least i can still feel. at least i know i still have emotions to express.
but i hope everything will turn out good in the end.
22.9.14 | 0 commentshey. it's been a while. months actually.
first thing to tell is that i got my midterm exam result last week. t'was a total mess.
amazing how i managed to achieve 3F's. and for that, i failed my midterm. thank God it was only the midterm. i need to get myself straight again. talked to Heri just now. well, it's more of chatting rather than talking. facebook. he said i can do it. i just need to start trying. i will, but i'm not confident that i'll most likely be able to keep it going for so long. never mind that.
so, there's a story i wanna tell.
last august, if i'm not mistaken. i went out with my friends. overnight outside campus. not even close with them cept for Shafiq. i tag along cuz i wanna go sumwhere i havent been yet since the day i started living here in Kelantan. we knew each other cuz we're in the same theater club. so we went out, the five of us (3 girls, 2 boys) went out to Rantau Panjang. we were so happy as fuck that we started to get along so well. so, around 2 in the morning, me and the girls decided to go for a drive in KB without even telling the boys. we took turns driving the car. when i was driving, they called Shafiq to tell him that we went out. we were laughing and i almost felt like nothing is in my way but i was wrong. few minutes after we called Shafiq, we arrived at a junction and since there's not even a soul passing by, i continued driving and crashed with another. i can still remember the scene. the way i hit the car head on. the way the car flipped over to the side. the way my car sounded like when i tried to reach for the brakes.. still playing freshly in my head, even now. t'was a good thing i slowed down at the junction or else, i wont even be sitting here typing, updating my blog right now.
so, that's that. somehow i felt grateful that night happen. cuz it brought us five closer than ever. we're not in the same class(cept for me and Shafiq), yet we're the most happiest family of weirdos i've ever been in. i guess it's time to introduce their names.
might put up their pictures... some other day haha. running out of time here. at the library now haha.
i love them and i hope there's nothing that could come between us all except for death.
as time goes by, friendship never dies